Devil May Say Really Random Stuff
by InsaneCreation
Summary: Rated for sexual, drug based and mature humor, character bashing, major OOCness, and total randomness. If you like reading fics that make no sense whatsoever, this is the fic for you! Will update every 2 reviews, so plz do so


Okay, it's here! My new, horribly written story is here! Instead of the star being just Dante, I decided to put in all of my favorite white haired guys! .. All the ones I know, at least. It's just Dante and Vergil in this chapter, though. But bear with me, alright? There might be some funny parts that you do enjoy as much as you'd hate to admit it. Now go and read my wierd crackfic... that's what you call it, right?

I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this fanfictional story.

_The day starts out as a usual friday night for everyone's favorite devil hunter, Dante..._

"I'm hot, you're hot, let's makeout." Snogging noises followed by the ripping of clothing and quiet moans of men are heard on the television.

_Watching gay porno movies and drinking beer._

Dante looks around suspiciously at the walls. "Hey! Who let you in my office?! Get the hell out!"

_Don't you mean... your porno theater?_

"What? No, you sick perverted psycho son of a--" Suddenly, a cow pops out of thin air in front of Dante. He screamed and jumped from his seat on the couch, spilling beer all over the cow.

"Moooo." The cow replied to the accident.

Vergil walks in from "work." Placing his bloodied axe and Yamato beside the front door, he sighed.

"I'm not trusting prostitutes to blow me ever again." Averting his eyes from the floorboard onto the scene in front of him, he gaped at the horrific sight.

Dante was singing "Milkshake" while dancing with the unmoving cow.

"'My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, 'It's better than yours'. Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you, but I have to char'-holy shit!" Dante dropped the beer in embarrassment and shock. "Uh, um, Verge! Wh-wh-what are you doing home so early?"

"What the hell are you doing shaking your ass and stripping on a cow, singing a woman's self exposure rap song??" He managed to ask calmly, what with all the thoughts running through his mind. "So you finally auditioned for Cows and Homos Gone Wild, eh?"

"Um... I'm drunk...?"

"..."

"And high..?"

"..."

"And I did acid..? Oh, yeah, and I snorted crack, ate mushrooms, cut myself, smoked pot, S.L.O.M.'ed, smoked actual grass from the neighbors' lawn, got naturally high, smoked a peace pipe with the neighbor, got high off of a helium inflated ballon, took green shamrocks, absorbed the power of Kryptonite, and passed out on the couch a few hours after doing all that crap."

"Dante, I don't even know what the hell the last two were. All I know is that you need to go to rehab otherwise you're going to die."

"Vergil, I'm half demon? Hello? Mom did the mcNasty with that decade's McHottie? And I've consumed all the liquor from a bar and still got only a hangover the next day."

"Oh, the drugs won't kill you, I know that much," Vergil summoned his magical swords and aimed straight for Dante's head. "I will."

Dante gasped in amazement. "Oooh, look at the shiny green things!!!"

"They're not green! They're blue-green!"

"Only a true fag would remember the color of his summoned swords. HA!"

"You live by your words, I live by mine, and what you say doesn't follow by my words and is untrue."

"Whadyousaaay???" Dante felt nauseated and felt the world around him spinning uncontrollably. "Stop ssspinning. Hey, that reminds me of that one song! 'You spin me right-round, baby, right-round, like a record, baby, right-round-round-round!" The cow mooed. "You stay out of this, Cow! I told you to leave when you had the chance! Now I'm going to eat you! Raaaargh!" Dante jumped on the cow and began to gnaw on its back.

"Dante: Nature's drug abusing retard. I can see it now printed all over the magazines." Vergil nochalantly trudged to his little brother and picked him up by his silver hair, dragging him by his head up to his room.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow." Dante felt pain shoot up his spine as his back struck every stair.

"You deserve this... You really do."

"Ten chubby angels with big, fat wings. Too heavy to fly, they crash into things."

Reaching his bedroom, Vergil lifted dante on his feet and threw him (literally) on his bed. Laughing hysterically, Dante wriggled around into the blankets of the bed, getting comfortable.

"He- hey Vergil. Vergil. Vergil. Hey Vergil. Vergil, hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, Vergil. Hey Vergil. Hey Vergil. Vergil. Vergil." He continued to call his brother as he walked slowly out of the room. _Urge to kill, rising at great speed. Easy, calm down. He'll die eventually._

Losing it, he snapped. "WHAT?!!!"

"Qui a coupe la fromage?" He spoke in french.

"What?"

He giggled. "Qui a coupe la fromaaaage?"

Vergil all of a sudden heard the sound of flatulence, along with smelling it, too. The smell too much for him to handle, his hair drooped down to imitate Dante's own hairstyle.

"Ugh! My nose! Damnit, Dante! You just farted!!"

"Wonderful deduction, lykkelig liten narkval."

"Oh, great. Now you speak Norweigian. Happy day for me. Now go to fucking bed, you idiot!"

_What happens to the cow? Will Dante get out of his coma? Will Vergil say yes to the marriage proposal the cow has made? _

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Can't you do something other than humiliate us in this God forsaken fanfic?! We hate this kind of crap!"

_We know you do, but we just can't get enough of watching you two act in an abnormal manner._

"Whoever you are, I will find and kill you with my bare hands!!!"

_I'd like to see you try, Vergil, whom likes to wear women's underwear._

"I'll kill you!!!"


End file.
